I want to tell you about a day that occurred recently, that changed my life. I have been prayerfully considering whether to tell the story, and how to approach it, and realized I just needed to tell it how it came out. So here goes.
There are two events that occur in the world many times every day, and at some point, every person in this world will experience them both. They are, I believe the most sacred events there are, yet common. Birth and Death. On Wednesday October 26, 2006 at 6:56 a.m., I witnessed both- and I have been forever affected. I was honored enough to be present for the birth of an amazingly beautiful little girl, who because of a medical condition that her parents found out about during the pregnancy, never took a breath in this world. The first vision her eyes saw were those of her creator. Her mom and dad seemed comforted in the knowledge that she never felt the pain and cruel coldness of this world, but went from growing in the warmness of the womb to walking in the brilliant lights of heaven. I spent 3 hours with her; helped bathe her and managed to stay in control enough to take pictures for them to have as remembrances. As I kissed her forehead and left the room though, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had been part of something bigger. I felt it as soon as it happened, and as trivial and childish as it sounds, the closest thing I can use to illustrate the feeling is the scene in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", when the grinch's heart turns to good.
I don't know yet exactly how God wants me to use this feeling. I have an idea, and each day in prayer He reveals more, but it is something the selfish sinner in me is afraid of. So for now I will be still and know He is God, and listen to what He wants me to know. He will work out the details that make me nervous, and if what I think He has for me is indeed his will for me, than who am I to tell God it can't happen?