I am not naive. I know there are alot of people out there- some very close to me- who hear or read that we are considering adoption and think, " they have no business doing that!" or "they have so many struggles they are FINALLY getting through, they shouldn't think about doing that." or "they are irresponsible for even talking about it." and on and on it goes. They are thinking of the time, energy, and of course MONEY it takes to bring a child home and then raise him or her. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. I'd be dishonest if I said it doesn't make me angry. But not because of what they are saying about me...it's what they are saying about our God that gets me so fired up.
So here's my response:

"they have so many struggles they are FINALLY getting through, they shouldn't think about doing that." - the only way we have gotten through those struggles is being led by God through our faith in him. God never promised us we'd be "comfortable and without struggles." In fact, as a Christian, I am basically guaranteed to face spiritual war... and comfort is relative. I guarantee my life is unimaginably comfortably compared to a crowded orphanage in Africa.

"they are irresponsible for even talking about it." - we're ignoring our Father's commandment if we ignore it. I'm not suggesting that EVERY believer should bring a child home. But I am stating that EVERY believer should help the widows and the orphans.

Obviously, I have gotten pretty emotional about this subject. I think about it all the time. And because I imagine some might be asking how that affects my life with the family I ALREADY have, I will tell you. I have never been so intentional in my interactions with my husband and my children as I have been the last month. I grieve deeply when I wrong them, I pray constantly for them- and nightly with them. I have been given a HUGE gift in my family and the opportunity to show them Christ's light in their day- I want to give everything I can to that end. There are too many kids in the world that will never get to see that light. How can I not take it seriously? It is an easy choice for me. But I also know that God has called me to give that love, to shine that light for another child who would otherwise only know darkness.

I won't even go into the money issue here. read my previous posts if you need proof on how God has worked in that area of our lives.

I follow alot of blogs- and one of them highlighted a family recently that is a huge inspiration to me. They are younger than Joe and I and have 3 kids biologically, and have adopted 6 more, AND just found out they are expecting a child. First, relax. I am not saying I want 10 kids (yet)... but I love their motto, and while I can't say that I envy her laundry situation, I do aspire to her trust in God...and pray that I can raise as many children as God deems mine to love him and serve him and go out into the world with that same understanding.

Here's what she wrote to those who asked the question "WHY???"

I pray that with each day, I can live her answers.

"We are often asked WHY? Why would we adopt THREE kids, more-less SIX kids? Why would we do this? Why devote our lives to this “cause” (if you can truly even call it that).
Here’s why:

-Because we believe that this life is not our own.

-Because we believe that in the end, it won’t matter what career ladders we climbed or financial investments we made or what gadgets we could afford. It will matter that six lives were saved.

-Because we have seen hopelessness firsthand in Ethiopia and elsewhere, but believe in all hope that each child is a child of God.

-Because we believe that the orphaned street child who plays street soccer on the rough pavement of the streets of Addis Ababa is no less valuable to the Creator than the polished child on a suburban soccer team here in America.

-Because we see nothing more worthy of our focus, time, resources, and lives.

-Because injustice is a wrong worth righting.

-Because the poor child is still a child.

-Because we know that, while adoption is not the solution in and of itself to the orphan crisis 143 million times over, we have seen with our own lives how it rescues the lives of those who can be adopted.

-Because we believe that Jesus died for redemption, not just for eternity, but for our lives on this planet and we believe we can be vessels of that redemption for children’s lives here.

-Because we know that, if it were our own flesh and blood, we would want someone to love them and call them family, too.

-Because, really, these kids are no different from your own. Not at all.

-Because it’s just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs a home when we have one.

-Because it’s just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs a family when we have one.

-Because it’s just not okay with us to say no to a child who needs room to thrive when we have room and can make room.

-Because it’s just not okay with us to do nothing.

-Because it won’t be okay with them if we do nothing.

-Because it’s just not going to be okay to do nothing."

Heidi Weimer

I wish that I could actually sing. I imagine lifting my voice high in praise and making a joyful noise unto the Lord. My husband knows that God must have tone- deafness because the sounds that I thrust into the air are not praise worthy, nor are they joyful to hear. This is a sad truth for me to embrace, because I LOVE music. I love listening to the lyrics and applying the words to my life. With a few after-a-long-day-at-work exceptions, my car radio is tuned to a contemporary Christian station. I figure with all the other things in the world pulling me away from my faith, at least I can have something that will bring me back to center when I am out and about. Plus, I want my kids hearing positive music- at least when they are with me! I like this station because there is some more tame praise and worship songs, but there is also some pretty hard core rock. I need to be able to throw my hands up in the air and jump around now and then...okay, quite often, really.

And then there are the songs that convict me and at the same time give me peace about the struggles I am going through. I hear words in the lyrics that I have said or thought, and I know that I am not alone in them. I think certain bands are blessed with this better than others,Jars of Clay seems amazing at it. Here is the newest song of theirs I heard coming to work a few mornings ago...
you can listen to a bit of it, and even buy it at the website of the radio station I listen to.
It's called Air1. it is at 90.9 FM in OKC, or you can listen on the web at www.air1.com




I've been living out of sanity
I've been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

(Chorus)
I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I'm a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

(Chorus)

And if we just keep digging
We can reach the foundation Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We'll lose control

Jars of Clay - Two Hands
From the album Long Fall Back To Earth


(Chorus)

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it's coming
It feels like a brand new day Open your eyes


Have a safe and happy Memorial Day!! Go do something to honor a veteran, or service member and family. They pay the ultimate cost for the freedoms we all take for granted- it is time we all let them know how much we appreciate it!

"Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water.
Even if the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even if the ones I love
Turn around and crucify me
I won’t ever ever let you down
I won’t fall
I won’t fall
I won’t fall as long as you’re around me"


These song lyrics by Christian group Needtobreathe struck me the first time I heard them. It came out at a time when every worldly thing in my life was in limbo. The house I loved was on the market- too expensive for us to stay in. The phone rang off the hook, day in and day out with calls from people wanting to be paid -seemingly unconcerned with the fact that paying them would mean not feeding my children. The flood wasn't rising, it was overcoming me. But I didn't fall. Not even once.

The storms I went through last fall were a real ground zero in the battleground of my faith. It was the first time since my mom died that I have gone through such a monumental event. And like the earlier struggle, my faith became stronger and more solid, and I saw more than ever that God IS around me. He alone can hold me up. It's an amazing experience to actually throw yourself into his arms- without fear.

All of this is running through my mind today, the song, the past year, because my oldest son, now 11 is being baptized this Sunday. I was only one year older than he is now when I did the same. I still have the picture of me and the others on the beach in Jacksonville. It was a windy day, and the current was strong. I remember being really nervous that the seawater would go up my nose and I would gag or blow snot out my nose in front of all the spectators. Those were the biggest worries I had at 12.

Logan, on the other hand, worries about why God gave us free will. Or, why Satan works harder to pull him away since he is a firstborn. And, why does Adam's original sin still affect us today? And others so complex I can't remember them.

On one hand, I hear his questions and want to run screaming to my pastor and beg him to enroll Logan in seminary so I don't have to think that hard. But on the other hand, I am in awe of my child. I am amazed at the concepts he grasps at such a young age in relation to theology- and about life in general. I look at him today, and realize that I am only now as an adult, asking many of the same questions he is at 12! I am jealous that he will have a deeper relationship with his creator than I did in his transition to adulthood. And I am thankful that God is blessing him with this curiosity about his Saviour.

So, I will celebrate his decision to proclaim his faith with him on Sunday, knowing that even though he makes me pull my hair out most days with his ceaseless questions and incessant attempts to rationalize EVERYTHING he does, there is no question about his heart's desire.

I will rejoice that when the floods come into his life, as they always do, that he will undoubtedly understand and know that he won't ever fall- God is around him.

Perspective is a humbling thing. One moment I am feeling low and troubled because of finances, and the next I am crying at my selfishness because of a picture of a child in Haiti that is literally starving to death. I am able to start a business to help make more money, but some people can't get food for their children because there are no roads for the trucks to get to their village. I don't question why God would allow this to happen- I accepted long ago that He is WAY better at determining what is good, and right and necessary. It does place a burning on my heart, though. I reiterates my desire to serve Him by serving those in need. To go hold those babies and give them some milk. To take pictures that show others how God can use them to help. To hold their mothers' hands and tell them Jesus loves them and can save them. To encourage them with what I have learned in my seemingly miniscule situation- that even in the midst of this, God is good.

I have believed for a long time that any skills I have in photography are gifts from my Lord. It is that knowledge that prompted me to do my work with organizations like NILMDTS and the ACPCG, and fired me up to do the sessions with a local pediatric hospice. I cannot describe the blessings I have received and the grace and strength I have witnessed in the families I have met through those experiences. It really puts life and its struggles in perspective. But, I want to do more. I NEED to do more. Ever since I can remember, I get a feel a strong tug at my heart when I read or hear about missions. Over seas, but particularly Africa. I used to reason it off to the fact that I grew up in the 80's- the age of Live Aid. But when I shared my "weird" obsession recently with a visiting missionary at our church's missions conference, she explained it perfectly by saying, "Praise God for that!" Isn't it funny that I, a practicing Christian so willing to give God credit for everything else in my life, never once considered that He had placed this desire on my heart! Since that "Ah ha!" moment, I have been praying and looking actively for a way to use my photography in the mission field. At first I told my husband wanted to move the family to Africa for a year so I could teach at a school for missionary children. Those of you who know my husband will be shocked to hear that he didn't laugh. I was shocked he didn't laugh, actually. I was shocked he didn't do more than laugh! He doesn't share the desire to do missions. But here is the amazing part- he told me that if I felt I was called to do something, even if he wasn't interested in it, he couldn't say no. He couldn't deny me from going where the Spirit leads me. After alot of discussion, we both agreed a year in Africa, though an amazing experience, was not the right "fit" at this stage in our lives. So now I am actively looking for short term missions that need a photographer with a Journalism degree to-boot in spreading the word about spreading the Word. It's the Great Commission, 21st Century style!